25 January 2009

Guests Plunge 53 Feet - Wind Up in Briar Patch

Today's article is a little different. Not only is it a Back Issue, but it also comes from a Sister Paper. Rabbit Tales comes from Splash Mountain in Frontierland, and has been talked about extensively by the Main Street Gazette's good friend, Richard Harrison, at Photos From the Parks. Though we don't get the full article written by Jasper P. Woodchuck, Reporter at Large, with photographic evidence from Flashpowder Sam, the front page covers enough to gather a glimpse of what awaits us on Chick-A-Pin Hill, both in thrills and in the history of the hill. Be sure to check out Rabbit Tales the next time you are exiting the Walt Disney World Railroad at the Frontierland Station.

Towering up and above everything hereabouts is Splash Mountain. Used to be that once upon a time, when most of us were still critlins, Splash Mountain was called Chick-A-Pin Hill. But that was then and back before a moonshining raccoon named Rackety, made a slight, but potent error. While mixing an experimental batch of brew, his juice producing still ended up being blown sky high. Many who were there at the time speculated that it was an overabundance of blueberries that caused the disaster.

This was unfortunate, not only for Rackety, but for the industrious Beaver Brothers, who had only recently finished construction on their new dam. Unknown to the Beaver Brothers, Rackety had built his juice still in the woods that backed up to their dam at the high end of the foothills. When the still exploded, the beaver dam burst forth, and all the water is was holding back, flooded the thousands of burrows, holes and tunnels that crisscrossed the inside of Chick-A-Pin Hill. From that time on, all the critters round here couldn't help but call this place Splash Mountain.

Now days, Brer Rabbit's been living in a briar patch, deep in the heart of Splash Mountain. And not so long ago, old Brer Rabbit took it into his head, that if he'd just up and leave his prickly home in the briar pathc, then he'd be able to leave all his troubles behind, as well.

Mr. Bluebird, and all the other critters who inhabit Splash Mountain tried to warn the happy-go-lucky hare that moving away from home, didn't mean getting away from trouble.

And sure enough, as soon as Brer Fox and Brer Bear got wind that Brer Rabbit was leaving his briar patch and setting out for an adventure, they decided to set a trap and catch him. Luckily for Brer Rabbit, he was able to trick Brer Bear into springing Brer Fox's hastily devised rabbit trap. This made Brer Fox so furious that Brer Rabbit decided to play another trick on the two, and he began to tell them about a secret “laughing place” that only he knew about.

Sure enough, Brer Bear and Brer Fox followed that rabbit right to the foot of a twin oak tree. And with Brer Fox pushing and shoving, Brer Bear was able to climb all the way up and look down into the hollow of those two trees. But instead of finding a laughing place, all Brer Bear found was honey bees. Suddenly, the rotted old tree gave way with a snap and pitched Brer Fox and Brer Bear into a darkened, water-filled cavern, buzzing with hundreds of angry bees.

Brer Rabbit laughed and laughed at the joke he'd played on the two scoundrels. In fact, he laughed so hard that all the other critters started laughing and singing, and before long, that underground water cavern actually turned into Brer Rabbit's laughing place.

Unfortunately, for Brer Rabbit, however, he tended to laugh just a little too long at his own joke, and before he knew what has happening, Brer Fox snuck up behind him and plopped a sticky honey hive over his head.

Brer Rabbit was dragger by the ears, up to the top of Chick-A-Pin Hill, where Brer Fox's lair was hidden in a hollowed log, that jutted out over the mighty Splash Mountain waterfall. Brer Fox threatened to skin Brer Rabbit, and then to roast him, and eat him. But thinking quickly, Brer Rabbit told Brer Fox to go ahead and do anything with him he wanted, so long as he didn't throw him over the waterfall and into the briar patch.

Slow witted Brer Bear, liked the idea, and decided that flinging Brer Rabbit into the briar patch was the best thing to be done. Brer fox tried to prevent him, and in the struggle, all three went over the falls and into the briar patch.

The briar patch, is of course, Brer Rabbit's home sweet home. All the critters hereabouts turned out to congratulate clever Brer Rabbit on having gotten away once again. And while Brer Fox and Brer Bear tried unsuc-cessfully to untangle themselves for the sharp, prickly briars, Brer Rabbit promised his friends that once and for all he had learned his lesson about leaving home, and that he is now there to stay forever and ever – at least until the urge to go adventuring strikes him once again.

The unfortunate news we have to report today, however, is that human-type critters have now been seen using hollowed-out logs to plunge over Splash Mountains roaring waterfall, and then splashing uninvited into Brer Rabbit's briar patch homestead located far down below. So far as we know, the human critters have caused no more serious problems than disturbing the peace with their screams.

Our reporters will continue to keep an eagle eye on the situation and report any undue incidents in the next issue of Critter Tales.

Brer Owl has lived all his life in the vicinity of Splash Mountain. He was, in fact, born and bred in the heart of Splash Mountain. His home is located deep inside the mountain, in a place called Tall Tale Tunnel. In can be said of Brer Owl, as it can be said of many critters of his ilk, that he is partial to stretching the truth somewhat. Perhaps that, and not the cave's size, is why his home is called as it is. But if ever there's any one critter in all of this country, that knows the comings and goings of those who live in and about Splash Mountain, he's the one that knows what's what.

“Of course, this place wasn't always called Splash Mountain,” Brer Owl hastens to tell just about anyone who'll stop long enough to listen. “It used to go by the name of Chick-A-Pin Hill, and some of the folks still call it that... but then Rackety's raccoon still went and blew up. Since it (it being the still) was sitting in front of the Beaver Brother' dam, and the dam was sitting in front of Chick-A-Pin Hill... well, this place just sort of got itself flooded. So we critters, mostly Brer Rabbit, I guess, started calling it Splash Mountain. Because mostly, splashing around in a flume of water is what you end up doing once you're inside.”
Then, Brer Owl will ruffle his feathers about some, and if there's still one little critter left sitting in front of his hollowed out old root, the place he calls home, then Brer Owl will start in to spinning his favorite yarn about his most favorite character in the whole wide world. That being Brer Rabbit, of course.

“What you call this place don't make much never mind,” Brer Owl scoffs, sort of uppity-like, “because the point is, what's likely to happen if you go on down deep inside of Splash Mountain is to find Brer Rabbit having one of his typical zip-a-dee-do-dah adventures.”

Brer Owl likes to hear the...

2 comments:

Richard Harrison said...

Thanks, Ryan, for printing the complete page!

All the best,
Richard

Princess Fee said...

Thanks for typing all that up, Ryan! And poor ol' Brer Rabbit...