16 July 2010

Mouse literature

Minnie Mouse is an avid reader and writer, not to mention cook, artist, gardener, and historian. Found throughout her house are pun-filled tomes that reference other established literary works (Good Mousekeeping Cookbook, On Men and Mice), television programs (The Wonder Ears), and a single book that could actually be bought in Walt Disney World at one time (Cooking With Mickey Around Our World). Sadly, however, most of these works are shelved and unable to be perused, but there are a pair of texts that offer valuable insight into the world of Minnie Mouse and the toon community as a whole, Famous Mice In History by Minnie Mouse and Clarabelle’s (Clarabelle Cow) Big Book of Pun Plants. From the pages that guests are able to catch a glimpse of, here is what we know about mice and dandylions.
Famous Mice In History by Minnie Mouse (pgs 233 and 234)

Confusedus – 551 B.C. Though somewhat less wide than the famous Confucius, Cofusedus has given us these pearls of wisdom: “A cheese in the hand is worth two in the fridge.” “A foolish mouse and his cheese are soon parted, unless he eats it first.” “You can lead a gift cheese to water, but you can’t look in its mouth… Or something like that. I forget.”

Mousocrates – 415 B.C. This great Greek philosopher lectured endlessly to his students on the essence of truth, beauty and cheese. “In ignorance of cheese lies the beginning of cheese wisdom.” His famous pupil, Pluto, (who was known as the teacher’s pet), wrote the book which immortalized Mousocrates: Dialogues about Cheese.

Attila the Mouse – 459 B.C. Attila was the King of a vast army of mice which swept out of the East, and into Rome. They did not pillage or destroy however. They merely came to taste the local cheeses, and finding them rather bland, they left.

Minniepatra – 40 B.C. The legendary romance between this Queen of Egypt and the Roman general Mick Antony was doomed to end in tragedy. But instead, they lived a long and happy life together, thwarting the gloomy expectations of romantics everywhere. Well, I guess they were in de-Nile.

Kublaimouse Khan – 1167 Mouso Polo, the Venetian explorer, immortalized Kublaimouse Khan in memoirs after returning from China with a food which is now believed to have been invented by the great Khan: String Cheese.

Leonardo da Moussi – 1530 This famous artist (who painted the Mona Cheesa) was also a visionary inventor. His voluminous sketch books depict numerous objects and ideas which would not become reality for three centuries! Among these, the cheese grater, microwavable cheese pizza, and the process for moulding [sic] cheese into the shapes of famous landmarks.

Mousileo Mouselei – 1564 Before Mousileo, many scholars believed that the moon was made from cheese. Mousileo turned the scientific world upside down when his astronomical observations led him to report that was in fact made from a processed cheese substitute!

William Mousepeare – 1564 The author of many famous plays: A Midsummers Night Cream Cheese, The Cheese Merchant of Venice, Julius Cheeser, Taming of the Cheese, and Moazzarella About Nothing. Some famous Mousepeare quotes: “A cheese by any other name would still smell as sharp.” “Out, out, dang cheese!” “Shall I compare thee to a wheel of cheese?” “Neither a lender of cheese nor a borrower be.” “To be a cheese on not to be.”

Charles Darmouse – 1823 The controversial scientist and author of Origin of the Cheeses, defied world opinion when he announced his reasoned belief that all modern cheeses are ‘evolved’ from earlier, more primitive cheeseforms. (Exactly how a cheese evolves he could not account for.)

Mary Moushelley – 1828 The author of one of the most famous and frightening books in all of Mouse literature, Frakenmouse, which tells the story of a mad scientist who defies nature and creates a new form of cheese by melting together a Chedder and a Swiss, only to find it far too sharp for his tastes. Pretty scary stuff for mice!

Thomas Cheddarson – 1847 The famous American inventor who brought to the world of Mice such useful items as the cheese grater, microwavable cheese pizza, and the process for moulding [sic] cheese into the shapes of famous landmarks.

Albert Einmoustein – 1921 This white eared mouse gained fame worldwide when he proposed the Theory of Cheesitivity, which states that C = MCheese2. In laymouse’s terms, this means that a cheese traveling at the speed of light would, within a specific mathematical probability, get all squished out of shape, but would taste just fine, and would probably be easier to spread on a cracker.

Clarabelle’s Big Book of Pun Plants (pgs 233 and 234)

Blue Bell (Dingus Dongus) I like the name ‘Bluebell’, it has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? This plant is a real hum dinger. It is related to the Bell Pepper Plant, and blooms in January to ring in the new year! Water sparingly, it tends to rust.

Buttercup (Oleo Innacuppa) This inexplicable plant makes a great gift. When you’re trying to butter somebody up, it really help you get a handle on the situation. Pour hot water and place a tea bag in the bloom every afternoon at 4:00.

Dandylion (Funnius Felineum) This purrfect plant enjoys just lolling in the sun all day. But be warned, it is not compatible with plants of the Canineum species, such as the Collie Flower. Prefers growing in the den. Be sure to rub its belly often.

Daisy (Donaldus Girlfriendium) The adorable blooms of the Daisy are recognized all over the world. This plant looks heavy, but is actually light as a feather. Allow it to float in a pond once a day.

Potted Palm (Handova Fistus) This four fingered species inspires applause world wide. This author definitely gives it a thumbs up. I really think everyone should give it a hand! Water weekly, but try to resist the urge to give the delicate fronds a handshake.

Sunflower (Toohottus Totouchus) This hot little number can brighten up any room, but don’t look directly at it without sunglasses. Water sparingly, and when you do, watch out for the steam! And please, keep it away from any open flame, you don’t want to get a sunburn!

Tiger Lily (Ferocious Felineum) This aggressive plant should be kept away from delicate plants such as Gazelleums. This is a very expensive plant, and can really take a bite out of your pocketbook! Water daily, and feed generously, but wear gloves when handling.

Twolips (Kissus Andtellium) This rare species seems to resemble something… But I can’t remember what. Darn it, it’s right on the tip of my tongue! Well, in any case, this charming plant really speaks for itself. Water weekly, with a straw, and apply lip balm generously.

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